This chapter, the last in Part 1, talks about what God's plan for the role of husbands and wives is. Martha Peace iterates 5 issues for consideration along with verses from the bible to back up her statements. To recap: 1. Men and women are created in the image of God. (Gen 1:27) We are therefore accountable to Him. 2. In the order of creation, man was created first. (Gen 2:7, 18, 21-22.) 3. Woman was created for the man, not man for the woman. (1Cor 11:7-9) 4. The effects of the fall of man (Gen 3:16) 5. The husband was and still is to be the head of his wife. (Ephes 5:23)
After looking at Ephesians 5:23, Martha Peace examines the model of Christ and the Church. The wife acts out the church and the husband models Christ's response to the church. (Ephes 5:22, 24, 32; Ephes 5:25, 28, 29, 33)
The bottom line is we as wives are to glorify and submit to our own husbands. We are to fulfill our roles as helpmeets.
For this study I would like to look at number 4 in greater detail. It has always been a help to me to remember that as a result of the fall my husband and I are at odds. My desire because of sin is to dominate him. My God given role to glorify and submit to him is therefore in opposition to my desire. Ouch!
Remembering this has helped me much in the battle of the flesh. Seeing it from this perspective at times even allows me to laugh at my predicament and become much less embroiled in conflict. It has made Ephesians 6:12 come alive for me: 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[c] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
We are truly in a spiritual battle. It is not about you or me..it is about glorifying our God...not the god of this world. Rise above it (the desire to control and rule), recognize it, see it for what it is...give your children and your husband an example and a gift. Fulfill your role...be submissive, quiet and gentle. Build your husband up, love him and love your children. When you fall, pick yourself up...go to the Lord and your husband...confess your sin and begin again. His mercies are new every morning.
The verse below when I first heard it interpreted blessed me for many many months in my struggles with my flesh.
1st Timothy 2:13-15: And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15 Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.
John MacArthur interprets these verses this way: Read his interpretation through and be encouraged.
1st Tim 2:13,14, 15: A woman's subordinate role did not result after the Fall as a cultural, chauvinistic corruption of God's perfect design; rather, God established her role as part of His original creation. (v13) God made woman after man to be his suitable helper. The Fall actually corroborates God's divine plan of creation. By nature Eve was not suited to assume the position of ultimate responsibility. By leaving Adam's protection and usurping his headship, she was vulnerable and fell, thus confirming how important it was for her to stay under the protection and leadership of her husband. Adam them violated his leadership role, followed Eve in her sin, and plunged the human race into sinfulness--all connected with violating God's planned roles for the sexes. Ultimately the responsiblity for the Fall still rests with Adam, since he chose to disobey God apart from being deceived. That Paul does not have Eve in mind here is clear because the verb translated "will be saved": is future, and he also uses the plural pronoun "they." He is talking about women after Eve. "will be saved" better translated in this context, "will be preserved." The Greek word can also mean :to rescue" "to preserve safe and unharmed, "to heal," to deliver from." It appears several times in the NT without reference to spiritual salvation. Paul is not advocating that women are eternally saved from sin through childbearing or that they maintain their salvation by having babies, both of which would be clear contradictions of the NT teaching of salvation by grace alone through faith alone sustained forever. Paul is teaching that even though a woman bears the stigma of being the initial instrument who led the race into sin, it is women through childbearing who may be preserved or freed from that stigma by raising a generation of godly children. In childbearing...Because mothers have a unique bond and intimacy with their children and spend far more time with them than do fathers, they have a far greater influence in their lives and thus a unique responsiblity and opportunity for rearing godly children.. While a woman may have led the human race into sin, women have the privilege of leading many out of sin to godliness. Paul is speaking in general terms; God does not want all women to be married, let alone bear children. If they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control. The godly appearance, demeanor and behavior commanded of believing women in the church is motivated by the promise of deliverance from any inferior status and the joy of raising godly children.
Did I convince you...
Here is one more...one of my favorites especially if you are trying to put the other first: Hebrews 13: 17 Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.
There are many more: Do a study on servants, submission, obedience. I like to use a Thompson Chain reference for these kinds of word studies.
The last section of Chapter 6 gives us a list of how we might be the glory of our husbands. I especially like #'s 1, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 14. I bolded 8 and 14 because I think they are very important. The heart of your husband should trust you...Build your house...speak only things that are necessary, that edify, that are good and that impart grace to the hearer.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Chapter 5: A Wife's Understanding of Marriage
Being of one accord with one another...what a beautiful picture that makes. A marriage where two are really walking together is an example for all who are privileged to witness it.
I was encouraged by what Martha Peace said on page 34. "Drawing closer together and growing spiritually occurs in measurable, concrete and practical ways." I am a math person so measurable and concrete sound wonderful to me. Each little step we take draws us closer to our goal. Making small changes in your demeanor, behavior and/or attitude WILL have an effect on your home. (positive changes = positive effect) Don't try to do it all at once. The first time I went through this book I read chapters over and over again...trying to absorb the material. I made small changes...What an encouragement when I saw the fruit. Obedience to God's word results not only in temporal blessings (time bound present) but also in eternal blessings. Don't give up, push through, endure. It may seem like it is two steps forward and one step back. Keep going. Confess, repent and put on the right biblical response. Keep your marriage, your husband and especially your sin issues in prayer.
Satan may attack. He usually doesn't need to bother in my case...my flesh is my own worst enemy.
For example, recently my husband bought the book The Exemplary Husband. I was, of course, delighted. I was also wary...I know my flesh. I would peek to see where he was in the book to see if he hit upon the areas that I wanted to see change. My behavior went downhill from there. My focus had changed from what could I do for him to what he was going to do for me. I had an agenda. The Lord cannot work in our hearts when our desires and our own agendas are in the way. I needed to constantly put it off, confess it and ask God to align my will with His. Keep your focus on your behavior. Make sure it is God glorifying. Spend more of your spare time (I know we say we never have spare time..but we do..ask the Lord to show you how you spend yours) in the Word. Take a book of the bible and study it. Commit to memory a portion of scripture. As a suggestion start with Romans 12:1-21 and Colossians 3:12-17. Make your deepest desire the same as the Psalmist: see page 65 and 66 for encouraging Scripture in this.
On page 37 Martha Peace discusses the process of sanctification...positional, progressive and future. She spends the most time on progressive. This is the process that you become more like Jesus. I especially liked that Mrs. Peace reminds us that our sanctification is not only a work of God as He convicts, disciplines, and enables you, but it is also a work of man as you are responsible to "grow in the grace and knowedge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (II Peter 3:18) She points out that "grow" is an imperative verb. (a command) She goes on to point out more commands: pursue love (1 Cor 14:1) set your mind on..the things of the Spirit (Romans 8:5) (the things that God desires..his agenda not yours) "flee immorality" (1 Cor 6:18) and to "discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness" (I Tim 4:7) In other words there is much work to be done on your side. If this is your desire, God will enable you to grow spiritually by the power of the Holy Spirit. Check out the ways God helps us become more like Christ on pages 38 and 39.
The next area Martha Peace discusses is biblical reproofs for the husband and the wife's mutual sanctification. I need to tread very carefully in this area in my marriage. It is so easy for me to see the ways in which my husband falls short of the glory of God. If I must say something, I TRY to say it once and close my mouth. I attempt to choose the right time and the right wording and to be specific and hopefully leave the rest up to God. Sometimes I prefer the pray and duck method...a method my good friend shared with me several years ago. God knows what you need..what your husband needs..just give it to Him who is able in prayer with thanksgiving. (and then duck and watch the Lord work)
The part of this section (reproof section) that I found most helpful was on page 45: You can know that You are Receiving Reproof from Your Husband Sinfully When... You become angry and lash out at him. You feel hurt, resentful, and unforgiving. You focus on the things he is doing wrong. You suffer intense personal hurt. That was helpful. By the grace of God respond with humility and gentleness. What a gift to your husband and to your children. What an example of Christ. Read the benefits of responding rightly to a reproof at the bottom of page 41. These are especially helpful to read when you are in the middle of receiving one and behaving badly. Humility draws you close to God...Pride keeps you away. BE HUMBLE!
I was encouraged by what Martha Peace said on page 34. "Drawing closer together and growing spiritually occurs in measurable, concrete and practical ways." I am a math person so measurable and concrete sound wonderful to me. Each little step we take draws us closer to our goal. Making small changes in your demeanor, behavior and/or attitude WILL have an effect on your home. (positive changes = positive effect) Don't try to do it all at once. The first time I went through this book I read chapters over and over again...trying to absorb the material. I made small changes...What an encouragement when I saw the fruit. Obedience to God's word results not only in temporal blessings (time bound present) but also in eternal blessings. Don't give up, push through, endure. It may seem like it is two steps forward and one step back. Keep going. Confess, repent and put on the right biblical response. Keep your marriage, your husband and especially your sin issues in prayer.
Satan may attack. He usually doesn't need to bother in my case...my flesh is my own worst enemy.
For example, recently my husband bought the book The Exemplary Husband. I was, of course, delighted. I was also wary...I know my flesh. I would peek to see where he was in the book to see if he hit upon the areas that I wanted to see change. My behavior went downhill from there. My focus had changed from what could I do for him to what he was going to do for me. I had an agenda. The Lord cannot work in our hearts when our desires and our own agendas are in the way. I needed to constantly put it off, confess it and ask God to align my will with His. Keep your focus on your behavior. Make sure it is God glorifying. Spend more of your spare time (I know we say we never have spare time..but we do..ask the Lord to show you how you spend yours) in the Word. Take a book of the bible and study it. Commit to memory a portion of scripture. As a suggestion start with Romans 12:1-21 and Colossians 3:12-17. Make your deepest desire the same as the Psalmist: see page 65 and 66 for encouraging Scripture in this.
On page 37 Martha Peace discusses the process of sanctification...positional, progressive and future. She spends the most time on progressive. This is the process that you become more like Jesus. I especially liked that Mrs. Peace reminds us that our sanctification is not only a work of God as He convicts, disciplines, and enables you, but it is also a work of man as you are responsible to "grow in the grace and knowedge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (II Peter 3:18) She points out that "grow" is an imperative verb. (a command) She goes on to point out more commands: pursue love (1 Cor 14:1) set your mind on..the things of the Spirit (Romans 8:5) (the things that God desires..his agenda not yours) "flee immorality" (1 Cor 6:18) and to "discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness" (I Tim 4:7) In other words there is much work to be done on your side. If this is your desire, God will enable you to grow spiritually by the power of the Holy Spirit. Check out the ways God helps us become more like Christ on pages 38 and 39.
The next area Martha Peace discusses is biblical reproofs for the husband and the wife's mutual sanctification. I need to tread very carefully in this area in my marriage. It is so easy for me to see the ways in which my husband falls short of the glory of God. If I must say something, I TRY to say it once and close my mouth. I attempt to choose the right time and the right wording and to be specific and hopefully leave the rest up to God. Sometimes I prefer the pray and duck method...a method my good friend shared with me several years ago. God knows what you need..what your husband needs..just give it to Him who is able in prayer with thanksgiving. (and then duck and watch the Lord work)
The part of this section (reproof section) that I found most helpful was on page 45: You can know that You are Receiving Reproof from Your Husband Sinfully When... You become angry and lash out at him. You feel hurt, resentful, and unforgiving. You focus on the things he is doing wrong. You suffer intense personal hurt. That was helpful. By the grace of God respond with humility and gentleness. What a gift to your husband and to your children. What an example of Christ. Read the benefits of responding rightly to a reproof at the bottom of page 41. These are especially helpful to read when you are in the middle of receiving one and behaving badly. Humility draws you close to God...Pride keeps you away. BE HUMBLE!
Chapter 4: A Wife's Understanding of Relationships
I have been trying to practice putting off and putting on. It is quite the uphill battle. Most of the time the godly reaction goes quite against what my flesh wants to do. It has helped me to picture it as putting off self and putting on Christ and others.
This fourth chapter deals with God's pattern for relationships. Martha Peace uses the Trinity as our example. On page 29 she has characteristics of the Trinity listed along with characteristics of fallen man. It is quite a contrast.
The thoughts that struck me most from this chapter are as follows: page 30: "God's norm for man within relationships is to be like and act like the Lord Jesus Christ." He is our standard. That is probably as far as any of us have to read to be convicted. Jesus submitted to the Father's will in everything and His every thought was the Father and others. His love was sacrificial. No hidden agendas..no selfish motives. Which leads me into the next pertinent thought made my Martha Peace on page 30 and 31.
"In order to be perfected in unity, you must stop asking yourself questions like "What will it do for me?" or "what will I get out of it?" "How will it met my desires?" (needs) Instead, ask yourself "How can we glorify God?" or How can we walk in a pleasing manner with God enjoying Him as we go?" The verse I thought of here was Romans 12:1. (you know that living sacrifice verse)
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
This thought process of how can I react in a way that will be pleasing to God is alien in the world in which we live. It takes much discipline and meditation on Scripture. 1st Timothy 4:6-8 also came to mind.
"If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed. But reject profane and old wives' fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness. For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. "
It tells us that continual feeding on the truths of Scripture is essential to the spiritual health of all Christians. It also speaks of exercising oneself toward godliness. Again, that practice of godliness..that putting off of self and putting on Jesus Christ. We will be blessed temporally and eternally. Another verse that comes to mind is in Colossians 3:1-3.
"If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. "
Have the inner disposition or compass that should be pointed North...you know toward Heaven. Eyes off your circumstances...Heavenly thoughts can only come from study and meditation on Scripture.
Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
Saturate yourself with the Word of God...
Grace to You!
This fourth chapter deals with God's pattern for relationships. Martha Peace uses the Trinity as our example. On page 29 she has characteristics of the Trinity listed along with characteristics of fallen man. It is quite a contrast.
The thoughts that struck me most from this chapter are as follows: page 30: "God's norm for man within relationships is to be like and act like the Lord Jesus Christ." He is our standard. That is probably as far as any of us have to read to be convicted. Jesus submitted to the Father's will in everything and His every thought was the Father and others. His love was sacrificial. No hidden agendas..no selfish motives. Which leads me into the next pertinent thought made my Martha Peace on page 30 and 31.
"In order to be perfected in unity, you must stop asking yourself questions like "What will it do for me?" or "what will I get out of it?" "How will it met my desires?" (needs) Instead, ask yourself "How can we glorify God?" or How can we walk in a pleasing manner with God enjoying Him as we go?" The verse I thought of here was Romans 12:1. (you know that living sacrifice verse)
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
This thought process of how can I react in a way that will be pleasing to God is alien in the world in which we live. It takes much discipline and meditation on Scripture. 1st Timothy 4:6-8 also came to mind.
"If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed. But reject profane and old wives' fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness. For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. "
It tells us that continual feeding on the truths of Scripture is essential to the spiritual health of all Christians. It also speaks of exercising oneself toward godliness. Again, that practice of godliness..that putting off of self and putting on Jesus Christ. We will be blessed temporally and eternally. Another verse that comes to mind is in Colossians 3:1-3.
"If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. "
Have the inner disposition or compass that should be pointed North...you know toward Heaven. Eyes off your circumstances...Heavenly thoughts can only come from study and meditation on Scripture.
Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
Saturate yourself with the Word of God...
Grace to You!
Chapter 3: A Wife's Understanding of Sin
Please feel free to comment: Perhaps a story, an encouragement, a verse, an application, a question or something about the chapter that struck you...
This Chapter for me was one of the most helpful ones in the book. The Put-Off - Put-On process has helped me much to aright my thoughts.
I think the most important thing to remember from the first few pages of Chapter Three is this: You married a sinner. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. Better yet, remember that HE, your husband, also married a sinner. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. Also remember that it has been said that you are never more like God than when you forgive. Practice forgiving an offense before you have time to spend time thinking about it. (I will beat the "don't get offended drum" a lot). We have many exhortations in the scripture to forgive. Be willing to humble yourself. In fact, when I first started this I did a quick little study on humility. Check out for yourself God's promises to the humble. Then do a similar one for the prideful. Keep your eye on your sins, not his and you will be building your house.
Pages 20, 21, and 22 deal with the four characteristics of sin, our provision for sin through Christ and finally how to deal with the consequence of former sin.
I am going to concentrate my comments on pages 23 and 24: Dealing with the present sin in our lives. Since 2003 when I first read this book I have attempted to diligently apply the put-off - put-on biblical process of dealing with my sin. Here are three principles that have helped me in this journey:
1. Spending much, much time in the word is crucial. What you put into your mind is what comes out. Proverbs says as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. The bible also tells us to not be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds that we would know what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. This kind of transformation (a metamorphosis...from the inside out) can only occur by the power of the Holy Spirit changing our thinking through the study and meditation of Scripture. There is no substitute and no shortcut. If you get nothing else from this study, but you become a consistent and diligent student of the word of God you have accomplished much. John MacArthur says this about the renewed mind: it is one saturated and controlled by the Word of God. We all know what saturated means...are you saturated in the word?
2. Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness. (1 Timothy 4:7) also page 23 in the text. Godliness means a proper attitude and response toward God. Godliness also has the root meaning of God-likeness which has the implication of being conformed into the image of His Son. As we renew our mind with the word of God through the study and meditation of Scripture we can purpose in our hearts to obey God. I liked what the author said the meaning of the Greek word for discipline in this particular verse was: gymnazo. To do it over and over again until you get it right. Think of how many years you or I may have allowed ungodly thinking to rule. It will take practice to eliminate that habit and replace it with right thinking. Repentance will look like something. It is a 180 degree turn in the opposite direction. It will take time and practice and a heart that wants to please God. The author calls this biblical process of change "put off-put on " We put off wrong, sinful thoughts and put on right godly thoughts.
Putting on the right thoughts is as important as putting off the sinful ones. Think about your sin when it happens...analyze it. What were you really saying? What was it that YOU wanted and were not getting? What caused you to react in that manner? Go to the word..confess your sin to the Lord and search the scripture for a replacement for the ungodly sinful thought. I have heard many women make similar statements to the ones made on page 25 of the text. "I can't take it anymore." "He is such a jerk, he will never change." "It's no use, it's hopeless." And my favorite, "the word just doesn't work for me." Just reading these statements have made me more aware of how I deceive myself with my own words. For instance I might say in my heart...I am so tired this morning, I just can't be joyful." Instead I could say, "I will just decide to smile and be thankful. Maybe putting on some music or a teaching would help." Many, many times we are unaware of decisions we make. Decisions that affect those around us. For instance, I remember a time when chocolate milk had been spilled on my kitchen floor not once, not twice but three times in one day. The first two times I reacted rightly. The third time was too much for me...an unpleasant tone erupted from my mouth. I had had a choice...I chose to speak harshly and lost one of my children's hearts temporarily. The problem was I didn't think I deserved spilt milk for a third time in one day. I got offended and my children suffered. What a difference we can make when we react rightly Make no mistake it is a decision, we have no excuse. Changing what I say either out loud or in my heart really helps me to think differently about something. Again, as a man thinks in his heart so he is. Change your thought patterns and your attitude and you will change your household. You will be a heroine..lay down your will and align it with Christ will for your husband and your children's sake and more importantly for the glory of the Lord. This process has made a tremendous difference in my home.
3. Know your sin. It always helps me to examine my heart from time to time. To do this I usually go to James chapter 1. I will recopy here some of what I wrote in the previous entry. It might help in the examination process:
As humans we have ulterior motives and agendas. Christ does not have any hidden agenda. His desire is always for our good. When He was here on earth He never did or said anything outside of the Father’s will. (John 7:16-18, John 12:49-50, John 14:10-11) The Bible on the other hand says that our hearts are desperately wicked, who can know them. It says to keep our heart with all diligence because out of it springs the issues of life. Go to James chapter 1:14-15. Ask yourself what are the desires of mine that draw me away from your perfect will, O God? Ask Him to show you and help you give way to His will. Examining what draws you away will help you be very aware of where you are likely to fall. Keep your focus on God and his desires rather than you and your desires.
For me it is not having things go my way...Like my day isn't going like I had planned it to go. There are unexpected interruptions (Well, DUH!) Another one is responding in kind to an abrupt or inpatient tone in my husband's voice. I could choose to answer him gently with love ignoring the offense. (Prov 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath) or (any fool can start a quarrel..not sure where in proverbs that one is) When I respond in an unkind way our household becomes filled with strife. I grieve my Lord, my husband and my children. So much strife an unpleasantness is avoided by responding rightly. If we suffer for righteousness sake it is a good thing the Bible says. Your home becomes more and more a place of refuge and peace for your family. A place they want to be. And all because you choose not to get offended. Knowing these sinful tendencies of mine, confessing them to God or to anyone else I may have injured (confess means no excuses...HUMBLING yourself...saying the same thing about your sin as God says) helps to keep me accountable and convicted.
Finally, as I was studying this chapter to write this post I turned to Hebrews 4:16. (see page 26 of the text) "Let us, therefore, come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Here is what I found out when I checked out John MacArthur's commentary and the Believer's Bible Commentary for this particular verse. Contrast God's approachability through his Son by most rulers...ancient or otherwise. (see Esther 4:11) The Holy Spirit calls for us to come boldly and confidently to God's throne for mercy and grace through Jesus Christ. It was at the throne of God that Christ made atonement for sins, and it is there that grace is dispensed to believers for all issues of life. John MacArthur says that "grace to you" became a standard greeting among believers who celebrated this provision. Pretty cool, huh? You can find more out about God's grace in chapter 3 of Ephesians. At the end of this chapter Paul speaks of our access with confidence through faith in Him. (Not self-confidence, Christ confidence) Also from the Believer's Bible Commentary a man named Morgan writes this: "I am never tired of pointing out that the Greek phrase translated "in time of need" is a colloquialism of which "in the nick of time" is the exact equivalent. "that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the nick of time"--grace just when and where I need it. You are attacked by temptation. At the moment of assault, you look to Him, and the grace is there to help in the nick of time. There is no postponement of your petition until the evening hour of prayer. But there in the city street with the flaming temptation in front of you, (or in your house with your husband or child in front of you :D) turn to Christ with a cry for help, and the grace will be there in the nick of time." Take the way of escape that He provides.
Grace to You
This Chapter for me was one of the most helpful ones in the book. The Put-Off - Put-On process has helped me much to aright my thoughts.
I think the most important thing to remember from the first few pages of Chapter Three is this: You married a sinner. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. Better yet, remember that HE, your husband, also married a sinner. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. Also remember that it has been said that you are never more like God than when you forgive. Practice forgiving an offense before you have time to spend time thinking about it. (I will beat the "don't get offended drum" a lot). We have many exhortations in the scripture to forgive. Be willing to humble yourself. In fact, when I first started this I did a quick little study on humility. Check out for yourself God's promises to the humble. Then do a similar one for the prideful. Keep your eye on your sins, not his and you will be building your house.
Pages 20, 21, and 22 deal with the four characteristics of sin, our provision for sin through Christ and finally how to deal with the consequence of former sin.
I am going to concentrate my comments on pages 23 and 24: Dealing with the present sin in our lives. Since 2003 when I first read this book I have attempted to diligently apply the put-off - put-on biblical process of dealing with my sin. Here are three principles that have helped me in this journey:
1. Spending much, much time in the word is crucial. What you put into your mind is what comes out. Proverbs says as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. The bible also tells us to not be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds that we would know what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. This kind of transformation (a metamorphosis...from the inside out) can only occur by the power of the Holy Spirit changing our thinking through the study and meditation of Scripture. There is no substitute and no shortcut. If you get nothing else from this study, but you become a consistent and diligent student of the word of God you have accomplished much. John MacArthur says this about the renewed mind: it is one saturated and controlled by the Word of God. We all know what saturated means...are you saturated in the word?
2. Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness. (1 Timothy 4:7) also page 23 in the text. Godliness means a proper attitude and response toward God. Godliness also has the root meaning of God-likeness which has the implication of being conformed into the image of His Son. As we renew our mind with the word of God through the study and meditation of Scripture we can purpose in our hearts to obey God. I liked what the author said the meaning of the Greek word for discipline in this particular verse was: gymnazo. To do it over and over again until you get it right. Think of how many years you or I may have allowed ungodly thinking to rule. It will take practice to eliminate that habit and replace it with right thinking. Repentance will look like something. It is a 180 degree turn in the opposite direction. It will take time and practice and a heart that wants to please God. The author calls this biblical process of change "put off-put on " We put off wrong, sinful thoughts and put on right godly thoughts.
Putting on the right thoughts is as important as putting off the sinful ones. Think about your sin when it happens...analyze it. What were you really saying? What was it that YOU wanted and were not getting? What caused you to react in that manner? Go to the word..confess your sin to the Lord and search the scripture for a replacement for the ungodly sinful thought. I have heard many women make similar statements to the ones made on page 25 of the text. "I can't take it anymore." "He is such a jerk, he will never change." "It's no use, it's hopeless." And my favorite, "the word just doesn't work for me." Just reading these statements have made me more aware of how I deceive myself with my own words. For instance I might say in my heart...I am so tired this morning, I just can't be joyful." Instead I could say, "I will just decide to smile and be thankful. Maybe putting on some music or a teaching would help." Many, many times we are unaware of decisions we make. Decisions that affect those around us. For instance, I remember a time when chocolate milk had been spilled on my kitchen floor not once, not twice but three times in one day. The first two times I reacted rightly. The third time was too much for me...an unpleasant tone erupted from my mouth. I had had a choice...I chose to speak harshly and lost one of my children's hearts temporarily. The problem was I didn't think I deserved spilt milk for a third time in one day. I got offended and my children suffered. What a difference we can make when we react rightly Make no mistake it is a decision, we have no excuse. Changing what I say either out loud or in my heart really helps me to think differently about something. Again, as a man thinks in his heart so he is. Change your thought patterns and your attitude and you will change your household. You will be a heroine..lay down your will and align it with Christ will for your husband and your children's sake and more importantly for the glory of the Lord. This process has made a tremendous difference in my home.
3. Know your sin. It always helps me to examine my heart from time to time. To do this I usually go to James chapter 1. I will recopy here some of what I wrote in the previous entry. It might help in the examination process:
As humans we have ulterior motives and agendas. Christ does not have any hidden agenda. His desire is always for our good. When He was here on earth He never did or said anything outside of the Father’s will. (John 7:16-18, John 12:49-50, John 14:10-11) The Bible on the other hand says that our hearts are desperately wicked, who can know them. It says to keep our heart with all diligence because out of it springs the issues of life. Go to James chapter 1:14-15. Ask yourself what are the desires of mine that draw me away from your perfect will, O God? Ask Him to show you and help you give way to His will. Examining what draws you away will help you be very aware of where you are likely to fall. Keep your focus on God and his desires rather than you and your desires.
For me it is not having things go my way...Like my day isn't going like I had planned it to go. There are unexpected interruptions (Well, DUH!) Another one is responding in kind to an abrupt or inpatient tone in my husband's voice. I could choose to answer him gently with love ignoring the offense. (Prov 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath) or (any fool can start a quarrel..not sure where in proverbs that one is) When I respond in an unkind way our household becomes filled with strife. I grieve my Lord, my husband and my children. So much strife an unpleasantness is avoided by responding rightly. If we suffer for righteousness sake it is a good thing the Bible says. Your home becomes more and more a place of refuge and peace for your family. A place they want to be. And all because you choose not to get offended. Knowing these sinful tendencies of mine, confessing them to God or to anyone else I may have injured (confess means no excuses...HUMBLING yourself...saying the same thing about your sin as God says) helps to keep me accountable and convicted.
Finally, as I was studying this chapter to write this post I turned to Hebrews 4:16. (see page 26 of the text) "Let us, therefore, come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Here is what I found out when I checked out John MacArthur's commentary and the Believer's Bible Commentary for this particular verse. Contrast God's approachability through his Son by most rulers...ancient or otherwise. (see Esther 4:11) The Holy Spirit calls for us to come boldly and confidently to God's throne for mercy and grace through Jesus Christ. It was at the throne of God that Christ made atonement for sins, and it is there that grace is dispensed to believers for all issues of life. John MacArthur says that "grace to you" became a standard greeting among believers who celebrated this provision. Pretty cool, huh? You can find more out about God's grace in chapter 3 of Ephesians. At the end of this chapter Paul speaks of our access with confidence through faith in Him. (Not self-confidence, Christ confidence) Also from the Believer's Bible Commentary a man named Morgan writes this: "I am never tired of pointing out that the Greek phrase translated "in time of need" is a colloquialism of which "in the nick of time" is the exact equivalent. "that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the nick of time"--grace just when and where I need it. You are attacked by temptation. At the moment of assault, you look to Him, and the grace is there to help in the nick of time. There is no postponement of your petition until the evening hour of prayer. But there in the city street with the flaming temptation in front of you, (or in your house with your husband or child in front of you :D) turn to Christ with a cry for help, and the grace will be there in the nick of time." Take the way of escape that He provides.
Grace to You
Bible Study Forum on Martha Peace's book The Excellent Wife
The Excellent Wife
by Martha Peace
Chapter 1 & 2
I can really identify with Martha Peace’s testimony. I came to the Lord later in life and had been through much both in life and in marriage. No personal details but suffice to say I think of myself as the woman who has been forgiven much and am so grateful to our Lord Jesus Christ for pulling me up out of the deep dark pit that I was in. My conversion and my husband, Bills', a short time later, were dramatic. We both did a complete about face in politics, child rearing, marriage, etc..none of which was us, it was all God. He gave us both a passion for His Word. We became and still are very avid students of scripture. The change in me was so dramatic that Bill picked up a bible and read it from cover to cover in three months. At the time he was a self-professed God hater but because of the change in my attitude and demeanor he thought this God thing might be real. Whoo hoo! I knew it wasn’t me...I hadn't even gotten to that verse in the bible yet...I was just so grateful to have this bible...finally something solid that I could hang on to and follow. I never went anywhere without it and still don’t.
Our marriage upon conversion was now according to God’s plan laid out for us in his Word. So ladies, there is my testimony...God’s word is true...we can, by our behavior, demeanor, and our attitude, have a HUGE effect on our husbands and our families if we respond biblically. Of course, we can also have a HUGE effect if we respond in a fleshly manner....we have seen the results of that kind of response and know that is not what we want. Right here and now make a decision by the power of the Holy Spirit to respond as God would have you respond to trials, temptations and opportunities especially toward the man you were given to as a helper. It is your most important ministry.
Some key sentences pulled out from the first chapter:
Feel free to comment and/or add your own...
1.God’s will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband. (Gen 2:18) After a wife’s own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, nothing else should have a greater priority. Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife’s time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day. (page 4)
Wow..that convicted me when I first read it in 2003 and still does. Do I even remember to ask my husband what he would like me to do for him that day or what he might want for dinner? What I have seen over the years of putting these biblical concepts into practice is that it takes a mindset of giving pre-eminence at all times in your heart and mind to your husband.
2. My life was radically changed by the application of these and other Scriptures. Because God gave me a heart to obey God’s word and will for my life, I am becoming the godly wife that He wants me to be. (page 4)
He can do that for us...are you willing. The only other thing I might add is that not only your life will be radically changed but also the lives of those around you.
3. The traits of the excellent wife are a bit daunting...don’t you think? (page 5)
Don’t be discouraged...check out page 6..2nd Peter 1:3: ...His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His Own glory and excellence.
True knowledge of Him, right doctrine and godliness comes through the consistent study of God’s word. Decide here and now to have that be the first thing your children see in the morning...you studying God’s word, seeking his strength and guidance. When you work out or take a walk put a Bible teaching or better yet a Bible cd in your player. Choose to fill your mind with the eternal. As it says in
4. A wife’s responsibility is to learn to put her confidence in the faithfulness of God and His Word—to do what He says. She can become what He wants her to become if she does what He wants her to do. (page 6)
God’s word is true..God’s word works...it is the only way.
The problem of sin...
5. My favorite: Because God has so richly provided for a Christian wife in her battle against sin, she is without excuse. (page 7)
Okay, then...you heard it...no excuses
Some key sentences pulled out from the second chapter: A Wife’s Understanding of God
Again, feel free to comment and add your own...
I think it is very important that each of us check out our perceptions of God with who the Bible says He is. Sometimes we think certain ways without being aware...now is the time to really look at how you view God.
6. As Martha Peace writes on page 9...the God of the Bible...the God that we serve is sovereign, just and loving Ruler over all the earth and all His creatures. He is God most high who is the potter and we are His clay (
I think this issue is key especially the God-centered vs self-centered part. Most of us when we are willing to admit it, put ourselves first 99% of the time. It takes a mind controlled by the Holy Spirit to put God and then our husbands first. Ask God to help you to see and be convicted by your own self-centeredness. Pray that you would be able to place God first in your life and that your primary ministry...your ministry to your husband would glorify Him.
What Wives Need to Know about God
7. God has planned a ministry for you. (Genesis 2:18) Yours and every wife’s chief end in life is to glorify God but it is to glorify Him in the manner in which God planed. You are to be a helper suitable for your husband (Genesis 2:18).
There it is in black and white...many of you have other ministries but this is God’s specific prepared ministry for you. Be faithful to it. You will have to answer for it “at the bema seat of Christ.”
When you need encouragement pages 10-11 are good to read. They will help you to remember who God is...gracious, righteous, compassionate, healer of the broken-hearted, sovereignly working all things together for good for His children.
8. God is purposefully working in your life.
“God’s promises to use all of your life experiences, including any evil that has been done against you for your good. One example of good that comes from adversity is changes in your character as you become more like the Lord Jesus Christ. Another example of good that comes from adversity is that God is tremendously honored (glorified) if you respond biblically. God promises to use all things for your good if you love God. You love God by being an obedient Christian. (John 14:15)”(page 11)
Each time I have stepped out in faith in my life especially when it was hard God has done exceedingly abundantly above all that I could ask or think...maybe not always in changing the circumstances but definitely in changing my heart. And the heart change is what increases our faith...and makes us more like Christ...we know it wasn’t us. It was just us, by the power of the Spirit in our lives, choosing to obey God rather than our own selfish flesh. I can remember one time specifically choosing to react in a biblical way to my husband and not in my flesh. The results were far reaching in my heart. My heart for that moment was more for my husband and his situation than my own. Having God’s love poured at in my heart toward my husband at that moment gave me a window as to how much God loves us even when we are unloveable. It made me want to have that kind of heart all the time...Remember ladies..we can...we are without excuse.
I can remember another trial in my life...the hardest I have ever had to face that at first showed me where I was placing some of my faith...and then drew me to Him in a way that if I had had a choice I would have chosen to have gone through the trial again because of how it strengthened my relationship with Jesus and my desire for Him and His word. He dominated my thoughts and actions during that time. I was able to make my valley of baca (tears) a spring through his love, power and grace.
You still need more encouragement in this good coming from adversity thing? Marriage at times can be filled with offenses. One or the other partner is offended and reacts in an unbiblical way. It happens to the best of us. It also happens in our relationships with others. People disappoint us, hurt us, betray us, and offend us. Through offenses I have learned more about God’s love.The answer to them: Here it is in a nutshell: LOVE. The bible says that love is the greatest commandment, it is the debt that is always owed (
Gentleness: This means learning to accept less than you might think you are due...this is a tough one for me...Let your gentleness ....we can replace this word with the following: Get ready for a long list... I needed one so that there were no loopholes. Let your contentment, forbearing spirit, sweet reasonableness, bigheartedness, good will...bending beyond what is expected to grant them good, magnanimity, charity toward the faults of others, mercy toward failures of others, not being personally offended by the faults of others..be known to all men. It is the kind of gentleness that can submit to injustice, disgrace, mistreatment, without hatred, without malice, without retaliation, without vengeance.
The best way to look at it...it is the graciousness of humility which basically says you may have mistreated me, you may have misjudged me, you may have misrepresented me, you may have not given me what I deserve or given me what I don’t deserve, you may have ruined my reputation with some, acted in hostility towards me, I may be the recipient of your inequity, injustice, and mistreatment but I humbly, graciously accept it...Christ still reaches out in love...
Wow...we really are without excuse. But the blessings and joy you receive by responding biblically to offenses in your life will be far reaching. Specifics will follow in later chapters, but responding to others in love is the foundation...remembers love is the debt that we always owe and that it fulfills the law.
What Wives need to Know about Their Works and Themselves
9. “God has prepared good works for the Christian wife to do.
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
The works God has prepared for you to do include not only what you do in your relationship with your husband, but also your heart’s motive or attitude. It will help you to have the right attitude if you focus on what you are suppose to be doing, not on what your husband is supposed to be doing. Certainly, it is easy to get caught up in seeing whether other people (especially your husband) are doing their jobs right. However, the issue for the Christian wife is “am I doing the good works that God intended for me?”
2nd Cor 5:10: For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body according to what he has done, whether good or bad.
(page 12)
This is a difficult one for me. Not concerning myself with what I am not getting back from him (my husband) when I respond rightly. I have to take those thoughts captive unto the obedience of Christ...Lord, how come he never, Lord how come I have to...etc. Even if he never responds rightly our job as Christian wives is to glorify our Lord by our obedience to His word. And if we suffer for doing good, so much the better for us it says. This kind of response takes the power of the Holy Spirit, consistent practice in doing the right thing and recognizing your wrong heart attitudes before you have gone too far. (Of course when you do go too far we have forgiveness in Christ and the only thing to do then is to humble ourselves and confess our sin.) Something I need to do more times than I would like during the day.
10. The Christian wife does not have to be afraid (page 13) What strikes me most about this one is the following statement by Martha Peace. “However, the most likely reason that you may be afraid to do what God wants is that you are afraid you won’t have your own way.”
Hmmm....a possibility, huh? As humans we have ulterior motives and agendas. Christ does not have any hidden agenda. His desire is always for our good. When He was here on earth He never did or said anything outside of the Father’s will. (John 7:16-18, John 12:49-50, John 14:10-11) The bible on the other says that our hearts are desperately wicked, who can know them. It says that to keep our heart with all diligence because out of it springs the issues of life. It also says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. By examining our actions and words we can sometimes discern our motives. Keep your heart with all diligence...Hebrews 12:15 says it best: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.
At times I have wondered where the harsh, hurtful words that come out of my mouth at times come from. The question is answered easily if we look at what we were meditating on before the outburst. Most of the time it is on self and what we were not getting. Flesh gets fatter and fatter when it is fed. Starve it...your family will rise up and call you blessed. If you need more help here go to James chapter 1:14-15 Ask yourself what are the desires of mine that draw me away from your perfect will, O God? Ask him to show you and help you give way to His will. Examining what draws you away will help you be very aware of where you are likely to fall. Keep your focus on God and his desires rather than you and your desires.
11. A Christian wife does not have to sin. (page 14)
We are not sinless after salvation but hopefully we sin “less”.
12. God’s Protective Authority
Therefore, when you are under your husband’s (limited by God) authority, you are really putting yourself in the safest possible place – in God’s will. (page 15 and 16)
This is a difficult one in the world in which we live. Submission is a bad word, definitely not politically correct. It is, however, the way God intended for marriage. Husbands and wives have different roles, but there is no partiality with God. Submission is the wives's to willingly and lovingly offer to her husband. It can not be coerced otherwise it is compulsion and not submission. I like how the Word says your own husband. It makes it clear who we are to submit to and also reminds us that he is our personal possession. She submits to the man she possesses as her own. When she does this she is acting in obedience to the Lord who has given this command as His will for her, regardless of her husband's worthiness. Our reverence for God is the basis for our submission. A wife who shows honor and reverence to her husband and displays contentment (not criticism) under his authority will encourage her husband to be that leader the Lord has called him to be. Get out of the way, be content, build your house and by your example train your children to honor their father.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)