I am combining these two...I can't write about one and not the other....This one is not from the book but from my heart...
Loneliness and Sorrow have been two of the greatest gifts to me from the Lord.They are what drew me closer to Him and made me realize that He is my all in all.. That He is my strong tower, my fortress, my strength and most of all my companion at all times. The One who will never leave me nor forsake me..there is nothing that man can do to me...My God is with me. Solomon writes in the Song of Solomon..."Come away with me, my love....I have learned to seek the Lord and go to Him...my bible is my friend...it is my most precious possession. I have received such comfort from the Lord through His word. I can remember reaching the top of my emotional pain scale and right at the time of my greatest suffering I realized without a shadow of a doubt that I would not trade this trial for my life to be back the way it was...No...what would cause more pain then and now would be the removal of my desire to seek Jesus...I finally wanted Jesus more than I wanted anything else! (not that there aren't battles)...but my heart truly learned that day (I can remember the moment and I can remember where I was) that fellowship with Him was to be desired above all else. I understood that my greatest joy was Him..that despite my circumstances I could rejoice in Him and live for Him.
Some of my wrong reactions to loneliness and grief were: self-pity...woe is me, a lack of thankfulness, trying to push away the feelings instead of bringing them to God, focusing on what I didn't have, discontentedness...Self-pity sends a lonely and grieving person into the pit of despair and depression...Looking outward and upward rather than inward is the only remedy. Spending time in God's word helped me renew my mind and see the loneliness and grief as an opportunity to obey God even though my feelings wanted me to do something else...It was a huge step of faith and I took very tiny steps but with each one my Lord was there to light up my darkness and show me the results of my tiny steps of faith. Loneliness and grief became my companions (Hinds feet on High Places) and that was okay because I was learning and seeing so much truth as God's word came to life for me...it also gave me opportunities to do things I wouldn't normally have tried...my focus always being on people and the gratification of being in relationships) There is much more to me today than there was 10 years ago...I have had the opportunity to spend lots and lots of time with my children, my husband and with the Lord and His word. I have developed many hobbies...drawing, writing, sewing, crocheting...Much much fruit has come from that time. I no longer see my husband as someone to fix my feelings and be my sole and only companion but as a fellow sojourner whom the Lord has graciously given me to be a helpmeet to.
In summary what did I learn through my own loneliness and sorrow...seek Jesus without ceasing...cry out and admit your need to Him. Read, study and memorize His word. Look to it as your necessary food. Look at the moment...at what God has for you to do right now...pray and by faith do it.
Just a few verses that I meditated on during that time: Owe no one anything but love...love suffers long and is kind...love does not seek its own...hopes all things, endures all things, bears all things...love never fails...let my gentleness...my bigheartedness, my willingness to overlook offenses be known to all men...commit myself to Him who judges righteously, let the Lord fight for you and you shall hold your peace..before honor is humility...humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will exalt you in due time casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you, God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble...but may the God of all grace who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you..Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path...If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me; psalm 130, the Lord will perfect that which concerns me, in the multitude of my anxieties within your comforts delight my soul...psalm 139....the joy of the Lord is my strength...but you O Lord are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth...
The following verse from psalm 84 is the background music behind everything: Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, Whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca (tears or weeping) They make it a spring. The rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength, Each one appears before God in Zion..remembering that as Christians our suffering has meaning and purpose...that the Lord works all things together for good to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose should help us to use it as an opportunity to glorify Him and fulfill His purposes in us and through us.
