Hmmmm....Submission and joy in the same title. I had to really ponder that one. I rarely view it like that except when I am doing studies like this one. How does that work? You mean I am not getting what I want (you know...my way) and yet I am joyful..I mean really joyful deep down?? How is that possible? Despite my circumstances?? This is one of those biblical paradox things. Similar to what it says in James about counting it all joy when you encounter various trials or in Matthew where it says he who loses his life will gain it. It is about walking by faith and not by sight. Like so many things in the bible it really is the polar opposite to what is the norm in the world. It is marriage God's way. If only we could always look beyond what we are not getting to what we are doing when we submit to our husbands gracefully...we are glorifying our Lord.
So many times I fall far short of this vision. Recently a friend invited my family to the pool for the afternoon. We picked up some pizza on the way to their house. I also picked up a can of diet soda knowing my husband does not allow me to drink it. I thought it would be easier than stopping at Wawa on the way to the pool to get my caffeine fix. He asked me what I was planning to do with the soda and I told him I was planning to drink it. He said no. I argued quietly with him listing all the reasons he was wrong to refuse me. (drinking soda with regular sugar makes me ill, etc) We got to our friend's house with my husband still adamantly refusing to acquiesce to my demand. I could think of nothing but what I was not getting. I continued to berate and plead with my husband for my right to drink the soda. (in my charming and disarming way...but all knew I was not quite happy) My husband even asked me jokingly if I was going to relate this incident in one of my posts...I am sure he was pretty far out on that proverbial rooftop.
On our way to the pool I was still grieving thinking how much more enjoyable the outing would be if I was feeling awake enough to enjoy it. I (can you imagine) was thinking of how utterly selfish and stubborn my husband was being...what was the big deal...one lousy can of diet soda. It is my only vice..blah, blah, blah. All I do for him...How dare he try to tell me what I can and can't drink. (The bible says he can..sigh) I was really making it a grief for my husband to rule over me. Our friend, who was leading the way to the pool, pulled into Wawa. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I was to her at that moment. I went over to the car and kissed her...I had finally got what I wanted but at what price. I was a reproach to Christ. When her kids see a Wawa now guess who they think of? Not quite the impression I wanted to leave with them.... My God was my belly. Not a proud moment for me.
The Bible tells us wives to submit to our own husbands, as to the Lord. Uh oh...as to who?? The Lord. By submitting to your husband's authority you are submitting to God's authority. Not submitting is rebellion (sin) plain and simple. Submission does not in any way imply inferiority nor does it say anything about the man's personal worthiness or even his spiritual condition. We submit to our husbands as a loving act of obedience to our God. This is His will for us. Submission to your husband is God's desire for you. It is his best. It is for your protection. It is His commandment. He wants it to be your joy. Hebrews 12:2 says we are to look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith who endured and persevered so that He might receive the joy of accomplishment of the Father's will and exaltation. The author of Hebrews goes on in chapter 12 verse 3 to ask us to consider Jesus and the hostility he endured from sinners. He is our supreme example. Our sufferings are as nothing compared to Christ's. (I certainly wasn't suffering to bloodshed striving against sin in the car that day about my caffeine need) Submit and let your joy be in the accomplishment of your Father's will for you.
Martha Peace goes through four basic principles about joy. They are worth reviewing.
1. Joy results from trusting God and obeying His word. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. (1 John 5:3)
2. Joy can result from knowing that God is working to accomplish His purpose even in difficult circumstances. My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,(James 1:2;) And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28); I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)
3. Joy comes from following the example of Jesus especially in difficult times. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb12:2); For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, (2Cor 4:17); bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1Cor 13:7)
4. Joy results from a "Spirit-Filled" life. A spirit filled life is one controlled by the Spirit of God...God is at the center of your life. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, (Ephes 5:19); Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1st Thes 5:16-18)
As you learn to know God and trust Him through spending time in His word, you will gradually experience increased joy in your life. You know that whatever situation you may be facing He has a purpose for it and it is for your good. Your desire will be to obey Him.
Again this is a day by day process of purposing in your heart to draw near to Him. Saturate yourself with Him and His Word. As you become immersed in the water of His word, you will become like a tree planted by the rivers of water; your life will be Spirit controlled. Here is what John MacArthur says about being filled with the Spirit. (Ephes 5:18) "Being filled with the Spirit is living in the conscious presence of the Lord Jesus Christ, letting His mind, through the Word, dominate everything that is thought and done. Being filled with the Spirit is the same as walking in the Spirit. Christ exemplified this way of life." Follow His lead. Obey as He obeyed. We can know that the momentary affliction we have here is producing an eternal weight of glory. We really CAN trust Him.
When you are in the midst of the battle it helps to remember that the battle is not yours. Your job is to obey, (just as Christ's was) the results are up to God. As you begin to surrender thoughts, feelings, diet soda, coffee, agenda (in other words your very life) to God and allow His Word to dominate your thoughts and actions, you will find yourself less and less embroiled in a conflict of wills. It will be hard but you will have joy knowing that you are obeying the Lord Jesus Christ and glorifying Him.
So...Purpose in your heart each and every morning to submit to your husband as to the Lord. Decide ahead of the opportunity to respond rightly. When you are tested, you have already decided that you are going the way of obedience. The way that wholly pleases your God. (Deciding to submit ahead of time really does help! The hard decision has already been made.)
We are entering the last part of the book. The first section of this last part deals entirely with submission in one way, shape or form. There does, however, seem to be one general theme that runs throughout the book. Esteeming the other as more important than one's self. Which brings to mind love. You know the love that suffers long, that is kind, the love that does not envy, that does not parade itself and is not puffed up. It is the love that does not behave rudely and here is the love I have the most trouble with: The one that DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN. It is also the love that is not provoked and thinks no evil. The love that does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth. The love that bears all things, believes all things hopes all things and endures all things...even an afternoon without caffeine graciously. It is the love that never fails. It is the love of God poured out in our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit. Truly all of God's commands for each of us can be summed up in loving God and loving others. The JOY acronym: Jesus - Others - You.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Chapter 10 Respect The Wife's Reverence
I think that there are very few marriages out there...yes, even Christian ones that don't bleed over this one...not the battle for truth, justice, and the American way...but the battle of control and dominance over one another.
I am going to try and catch your attention right away with this one...because this one aspect of marriage, respect, is very important to get right....ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE RAISING CHILDREN. All of us have this drive to control. You might think it is okay because you think you are using it for the greater good in your household. For example, (and this is my example from my life) let's say you don't want the children watching tv...your husband likes to relax and unwind in front of the tv at night. Your children want to be where he is. You try to keep them out of the room by distracting them, but you have been with them all day and want to unwind a bit also. Night after night you watch your children soaking up all that ungodly stuff...exactly the opposite of what you are trying to do with them during the day. He is undoing it...how dare he! Night after night there is contention in your house...even if you don't say a word the kids feel it. You think that you will change your husband by pushing harder. This is an illusion, ladies...it will never happen. (See 1 Peter 3:4, James 1:20 and Romans 12:18.) The atmosphere in your home will become caustic. It will eat away at your children's souls. They will become rebellious and bitter. This is much much worse than the effects of watching too much tv in the evenings. Put your problems in perspective. No home is perfect. Put your hobby horses aside and allow your husband to live in a home without your continual dripping. You might be saying now...whoa, slow down...that is a little harsh. It might be, but I can speak like this because this is my example...this is the exhortation I gave myself and it was a great lesson learned. My husband did not respond to my contrariness..he did, however, respond to me after I went to the Lord, confessed my sin and asked Him to change my heart attitude of contention and disrespect. My children were much more affected by the discord between my husband and I than anything inappropriate they might have seen on tv. Watch your children's eyes and body language when you contend with your husband. It speaks volumes. There is no greater gift you can give them aside from Jesus Christ than a peaceful home. Even if it means that they might grow up with some not so great habits...maybe a little lazy and lacking a little in the self control area. So what! They will have grown up in a home where they were emotionally secure, valued and loved and where the Christian life was not just given lip service but lived. Of course, there is room for a biblical reproof, but most of us have no problem doing this. (seeing the spec in my husband's eye is not difficult for me)
When you disrespect your husband you are tearing down your house. You are rejecting the ultimate authority in your home. You are, therefore, eroding the very concept of authority in your children's minds. You are training them in REBELLION!
No Greater Joy Volume Three says it best: If you resist this exhortation and continue to contend with your husband you will "die with the satisfaction that it was your husband that destroyed your family---you stood on your principles."
Now with all that said...
Respecting your husband is not something that he needs to earn...biblical respect for your husband is commanded by God. It is something that you choose to show him regardless of circumstances and in spite of your feelings. You do it in obedience to the One who died for you.
I loved the list on page 109: Here it is in case you missed it. "Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband--that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly. Do we even give our God that much deference and reverence. I don't know about you but I fall far short of this!
Just getting the basics right on this one is hard ...not even considering what your inner heart attitude might be...a roll of an eye...or perhaps a slight change in your countenance...a less than sincere tone...an indirect question to which there is no really right response...a small change in your priorities....thinking more highly of yourself than you ought...all these indicate a less than respectful attitude on your part toward your husband. Check out the self-assessment on page 115. I found it to be quite an eye opener. Read the list to your husband and ask him how he would rate you. Then spend some time really listening to yourself as you respond and interact with your husband. Put yourself in his shoes...do you feel honored, deferred to, respected? I think respect like love is something that we need to put on.
Two verses really help me in this: Ephesians 4:1-3 "I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Lowliness, gentleness, longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, keeping the unity of Spirit in the bond of peace all go along way toward respecting your husband. The word worthy in this verse has the idea of living to match one's position in Christ. Paul exhorts us to be everything the Lord wants and enables us to be. The other verse is in 1st Corinthians 13:5 "Love does not behave rudely." This one is so basic but goes so far in endearing us to our husbands.
Getting this one right takes a lot of self-awareness, diligence and hard work. Genesis 3:16 makes it that way: It says ..."Your desire shall be for your husband. And he shall rule over you."It is God's desire and command for you to respect your husband ..it is His best for you and for your family.
I am going to try and catch your attention right away with this one...because this one aspect of marriage, respect, is very important to get right....ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE RAISING CHILDREN. All of us have this drive to control. You might think it is okay because you think you are using it for the greater good in your household. For example, (and this is my example from my life) let's say you don't want the children watching tv...your husband likes to relax and unwind in front of the tv at night. Your children want to be where he is. You try to keep them out of the room by distracting them, but you have been with them all day and want to unwind a bit also. Night after night you watch your children soaking up all that ungodly stuff...exactly the opposite of what you are trying to do with them during the day. He is undoing it...how dare he! Night after night there is contention in your house...even if you don't say a word the kids feel it. You think that you will change your husband by pushing harder. This is an illusion, ladies...it will never happen. (See 1 Peter 3:4, James 1:20 and Romans 12:18.) The atmosphere in your home will become caustic. It will eat away at your children's souls. They will become rebellious and bitter. This is much much worse than the effects of watching too much tv in the evenings. Put your problems in perspective. No home is perfect. Put your hobby horses aside and allow your husband to live in a home without your continual dripping. You might be saying now...whoa, slow down...that is a little harsh. It might be, but I can speak like this because this is my example...this is the exhortation I gave myself and it was a great lesson learned. My husband did not respond to my contrariness..he did, however, respond to me after I went to the Lord, confessed my sin and asked Him to change my heart attitude of contention and disrespect. My children were much more affected by the discord between my husband and I than anything inappropriate they might have seen on tv. Watch your children's eyes and body language when you contend with your husband. It speaks volumes. There is no greater gift you can give them aside from Jesus Christ than a peaceful home. Even if it means that they might grow up with some not so great habits...maybe a little lazy and lacking a little in the self control area. So what! They will have grown up in a home where they were emotionally secure, valued and loved and where the Christian life was not just given lip service but lived. Of course, there is room for a biblical reproof, but most of us have no problem doing this. (seeing the spec in my husband's eye is not difficult for me)
When you disrespect your husband you are tearing down your house. You are rejecting the ultimate authority in your home. You are, therefore, eroding the very concept of authority in your children's minds. You are training them in REBELLION!
No Greater Joy Volume Three says it best: If you resist this exhortation and continue to contend with your husband you will "die with the satisfaction that it was your husband that destroyed your family---you stood on your principles."
Now with all that said...
Respecting your husband is not something that he needs to earn...biblical respect for your husband is commanded by God. It is something that you choose to show him regardless of circumstances and in spite of your feelings. You do it in obedience to the One who died for you.
I loved the list on page 109: Here it is in case you missed it. "Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband--that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly. Do we even give our God that much deference and reverence. I don't know about you but I fall far short of this!
Just getting the basics right on this one is hard ...not even considering what your inner heart attitude might be...a roll of an eye...or perhaps a slight change in your countenance...a less than sincere tone...an indirect question to which there is no really right response...a small change in your priorities....thinking more highly of yourself than you ought...all these indicate a less than respectful attitude on your part toward your husband. Check out the self-assessment on page 115. I found it to be quite an eye opener. Read the list to your husband and ask him how he would rate you. Then spend some time really listening to yourself as you respond and interact with your husband. Put yourself in his shoes...do you feel honored, deferred to, respected? I think respect like love is something that we need to put on.
Two verses really help me in this: Ephesians 4:1-3 "I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Lowliness, gentleness, longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, keeping the unity of Spirit in the bond of peace all go along way toward respecting your husband. The word worthy in this verse has the idea of living to match one's position in Christ. Paul exhorts us to be everything the Lord wants and enables us to be. The other verse is in 1st Corinthians 13:5 "Love does not behave rudely." This one is so basic but goes so far in endearing us to our husbands.
Getting this one right takes a lot of self-awareness, diligence and hard work. Genesis 3:16 makes it that way: It says ..."Your desire shall be for your husband. And he shall rule over you."It is God's desire and command for you to respect your husband ..it is His best for you and for your family.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Chapter 9: Love the Wife's Choice
Chapter 9 of The Excellent Wife is, in my opinion, the key chapter of the book. I expected to write volumes. Instead I find myself starting over again and again...what is it I really want to say? I feel completely and utterly inadequate to the task. I am sure this is a good thing. So instead of going through the chapter and perhaps selecting key points to highlight I will do something a bit different. I will exhort you to make the choice to purpose in your heart to practice love in your house.
The following verse in Romans has been my key verse or dare I say mantra for the last 8 years or so.
8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,”“You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
This verse and others like it have changed my relationship with those dear to me. Love is the debt that is always owed. Without love I am truly a sounding brass or a clanging symbol in my house that all shudder to have around. When I make love a practice, I realize that love really is the bond of perfection. It is the one thing we can do to fulfill the law completely. Also, the more I attempt to make a practice of love, the more I realize how very very much my love falls short of the love that God wants us to have for each other. I feel overwhelmed and condemned like Paul in Romans 7 and rejoice that there is no condemnation in Christ.
I don't know about you but recalling all the things the Bible tells me I should and shouldn't do sometimes gets laborious. It is comforting that the only thing I really have to remember is love.
I have also memorized 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. In putting on love toward others I have never had to recite further than love suffers long and is kind to be convicted. I say it silently to myself many times a day to renew my mind and get my thought processes traveling in the right direction again. There are many many other verses that can do this ....Get out your concordance or your Thomas Chain reference and write them all down...carry them with you...read them when your will falters.
It would be great if love were our natural response toward others. Unfortunately, it is not. In fact, we don't even often have loving feelings toward those around us. Most of the time our thoughts are on how they can love us. Since there thoughts are probably on themselves also, we are at an impasse. Biblical love, however, is a command. Our response therefore, is a matter of obedience.
You can read chapter 9, read my entry and choose not to purpose in your heart to practice love at your house. Choosing that road will keep your pride intact but will draw you further away from God's ideal or best for your marriage. It will also not bring you nigh unto the Lord. It is a choice that will be filled with your own way and getting what you want, but its end will not be what God wanted and as such will not be God glorifying.
As Paul says the way of love is the excellent way. Making the choice to love will bring humility which will not only draw you close to your Lord but also to your husband. It will be a choice that will have an eternal effect on all you meet. A choice that will make you shine as a light in this dark world. A choice that will always put you in God's perfect will. Choose today to be that wife that speaks gently to those around her with the law of kindness on her tongue. Who even when sorely tried, makes that second mile investment...not so much for the person who she does the act for but for herself...to break the hold that selfishness, pride and bitterness has on her. Make no mistake...a second mile investment is a step of faith. Most of the time they will go totally against what the world might tell you to do and your feelings. Do it anyway and be a blessing and be blessed!
If you are anything like me, you make excuses as to why you couldn't respond to someone in love..but remember the Bible says that God's grace is sufficient for you ...you are without excuse. Bitterness, selfishness and pride are sin, as is making excuses for them. So here is a previous entry to help you with this:
Through offenses I have learned more about God’s love.The answer to them: Here it is in a nutshell: LOVE. The bible says that love is the greatest commandment, it is the debt that is always owed (Roman s 13), that it suffers long and is kind....that it never fails.(Cor 13) I interpret the never fails part like this. Responding in love always has an effect. It always bears fruit. You CANNOT go wrong by responding in love. Another verse that helps keep me from getting offended is in Philippians. In 4:5 it says to let your gentleness be made known to all men. That word gentleness is filled with meaning in the Greek. I got this list from John Macarthur and it helped me through many an offense...
In closing, 1st Peter 1:22 says this: "Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart." John MacArthur tells us that this is the love of choice, the kind of love that can respond to a command. The word fervently means to be stretched to the breaking point...like a rubber band. I don't know about you but I know I always fall short of that one. Our souls have been purified. We do have the capacity to love like this. Let's exhibit it by meeting others at the point of their need.
Praying that we would have fervent love for one another...
The following verse in Romans has been my key verse or dare I say mantra for the last 8 years or so.
8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,”“You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
This verse and others like it have changed my relationship with those dear to me. Love is the debt that is always owed. Without love I am truly a sounding brass or a clanging symbol in my house that all shudder to have around. When I make love a practice, I realize that love really is the bond of perfection. It is the one thing we can do to fulfill the law completely. Also, the more I attempt to make a practice of love, the more I realize how very very much my love falls short of the love that God wants us to have for each other. I feel overwhelmed and condemned like Paul in Romans 7 and rejoice that there is no condemnation in Christ.
I don't know about you but recalling all the things the Bible tells me I should and shouldn't do sometimes gets laborious. It is comforting that the only thing I really have to remember is love.
I have also memorized 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. In putting on love toward others I have never had to recite further than love suffers long and is kind to be convicted. I say it silently to myself many times a day to renew my mind and get my thought processes traveling in the right direction again. There are many many other verses that can do this ....Get out your concordance or your Thomas Chain reference and write them all down...carry them with you...read them when your will falters.
It would be great if love were our natural response toward others. Unfortunately, it is not. In fact, we don't even often have loving feelings toward those around us. Most of the time our thoughts are on how they can love us. Since there thoughts are probably on themselves also, we are at an impasse. Biblical love, however, is a command. Our response therefore, is a matter of obedience.
You can read chapter 9, read my entry and choose not to purpose in your heart to practice love at your house. Choosing that road will keep your pride intact but will draw you further away from God's ideal or best for your marriage. It will also not bring you nigh unto the Lord. It is a choice that will be filled with your own way and getting what you want, but its end will not be what God wanted and as such will not be God glorifying.
As Paul says the way of love is the excellent way. Making the choice to love will bring humility which will not only draw you close to your Lord but also to your husband. It will be a choice that will have an eternal effect on all you meet. A choice that will make you shine as a light in this dark world. A choice that will always put you in God's perfect will. Choose today to be that wife that speaks gently to those around her with the law of kindness on her tongue. Who even when sorely tried, makes that second mile investment...not so much for the person who she does the act for but for herself...to break the hold that selfishness, pride and bitterness has on her. Make no mistake...a second mile investment is a step of faith. Most of the time they will go totally against what the world might tell you to do and your feelings. Do it anyway and be a blessing and be blessed!
If you are anything like me, you make excuses as to why you couldn't respond to someone in love..but remember the Bible says that God's grace is sufficient for you ...you are without excuse. Bitterness, selfishness and pride are sin, as is making excuses for them. So here is a previous entry to help you with this:
Through offenses I have learned more about God’s love.The answer to them: Here it is in a nutshell: LOVE. The bible says that love is the greatest commandment, it is the debt that is always owed (
Gentleness: This means learning to accept less than you might think you are due...this is a tough one for me...Let your gentleness ....we can replace this word with the following: Get ready for a long list... I needed one so that there were no loopholes. Let your contentment, forbearing spirit, sweet reasonableness, bigheartedness, good will...bending beyond what is expected to grant them good, magnanimity, charity toward the faults of others, mercy toward failures of others, not being personally offended by the faults of others..be known to all men. It is the kind of gentleness that can submit to injustice, disgrace, mistreatment, without hatred, without malice, without retaliation, without vengeance.
The best way to look at it...it is the graciousness of humility which basically says you may have mistreated me, you may have misjudged me, you may have misrepresented me, you may have not given me what I deserve or given me what I don’t deserve, you may have ruined my reputation with some, acted in hostility towards me, I may be the recipient of your inequity, injustice, and mistreatment but I humbly, graciously accept it...Christ still reaches out in love...
In closing, 1st Peter 1:22 says this: "Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart." John MacArthur tells us that this is the love of choice, the kind of love that can respond to a command. The word fervently means to be stretched to the breaking point...like a rubber band. I don't know about you but I know I always fall short of that one. Our souls have been purified. We do have the capacity to love like this. Let's exhibit it by meeting others at the point of their need.
Praying that we would have fervent love for one another...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)