Here are the eight:
1. Learn to communicate biblically
2. Learn to overcome evil with good.
3. Learn to make a biblical appeal.
4. Learn to give a biblical reproof.
5. Learn to biblically respond to foolish demands.
6. Learn to seek godly counsel.
7. Learn to biblically follow the steps of church discipline.
8. Learn to biblically involve the governing authorities.
I will touch on each briefly. Learning to communicate biblically is, in my view, the most important skill any wife and/or mother can learn. It can be used to teach your children to respond rightly by modeling it for them. It can also be used to overcome evil with good, to make a biblical appeal, and to respond to foolish demands.The verses that helps me here aside from the ones in James about controlling the tongue is from Proverbs 31:26: She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. If the law of kindness is always on your tongue, your house will be a peaceful place indeed. Using Ephesians 4:29 as a guide speak only what is necessary, what is edifying, what is good and what gives grace to the hearer. Sigh! I have a long way to go here. We forget in the midst of the battle how important it is to model this behavior consistently for our children. It is a constant dying to self and living for Christ's glory. Most of us spend most of the day in either an annoyed or offended mode. This needs to be put off and Christ put on. We need to remember to let our gentleness be made known to all men. Again that word gentleness is rich with meaning: Here once again is John MacArthur's list:
Let your contentment, forbearing spirit, sweet reasonableness, bigheartedness, good will...bending beyond what is expected to grant them good, magnanimity, charity toward the faults of others, mercy toward failures of others, not being personally offended by the faults of others..be known to all men. It is the kind of gentleness that can submit to injustice, disgrace, mistreatment, without hatred, without malice, without retaliation, without vengeance.
The best way to look at it...it is the graciousness of humility which basically says you may have mistreated me, you may have misjudged me, you may have misrepresented me, you may have not given me what I deserve or given me what I don’t deserve, you may have ruined my reputation with some, acted in hostility towards me, I may be the recipient of your inequity, injustice, and mistreatment but I humbly, graciously accept it...Christ still reaches out in love...
Responding and communicating scripturally takes a desire to please God. It takes a purposing in your heart like Daniel and David. Purpose, prayer, power of God's Spirit, and practice! If you do nothing else from this study in regards to your household, but put responding and communicating according to God's Word into practice...you have accomplished much.
Overcoming evil with good is the second resource for the wife's protection. Martha Peace provides an excellent list for us on page 158 but I sometimes find that holding my peace and letting the Lord fight for me is on occasion a way of overcoming evil with good...in another words keeping silent or not responding in kind. Often keeping silent is all that I can manage. Again it is about enduring through, holding our tongues, responding with kindness and remembering that we have a huge affect on the heart and tone of our home. The way we treat our husbands will have a direct affect on how our children see him and respect his authority. As you begin to look and examine your reactions to those around you, don't lose heart and don't feel condemned. Repent as many times as it takes and pray, thanking God for showing you your sin and giving you the opportunity to glorify Him.
The third resource for the wife's protection is learning to make a biblical appeal. Martha Peace has done an excellent job here. I will not belabor. For me most important thing to remember before making a biblical appeal is my job is to do what my husband says unless he asks me to sin. Unfortunately, my instant response most of the time when my husband gives me a direct order is to argue. Biblical appeals don't even cross my mind. My pride gets in the way of any possibility of rational thought. Making an appeal would require that I actually thought instead of reacted. This is our goal...thinking before we speak. :D If I do think before I speak and reach the scriptural appeal stage I should ask myself what my possible motives are for making the appeal. I need to be sure it is not manipulative, not for personal gain, or not to make things easier on myself. If I am truly Spirit led here I rarely make the appeal. My motives for making it are usually wrong. Once the appeal is made, however, I should be ready to accept my husband's answer as the will of God for me--and submit graciously.
The fourth resource is giving a biblical reproof...It is important to point out that a biblical reproof is given in response to identifying a sinful pattern of behavior on the part of your husband. If done according to the Word and with godly motives it is intended to edify your husband and restore him into a right relationship with His Lord. Again, examine your motives. Are they to restore and not expose? Are you specking and planking? Are you doing it for personal motives or a personal reward? Biblical reproofs are a command. They should only be done, however, after much prayer and careful thought.
The fifth resource is learning how to respond biblically to foolish demands. For the most part we can return to resource #1 learning how to communicate scripturally. It also helps to remember the proverb that says "Any fool can start a quarrel." That certainly puts it into perspective for me and helps me hold my tongue and respond with the "wisdom of scripture"by pondering how to answer. (this is hard to do in the middle of an argument...)Do a study on anger/strife/fool in Proverbs and memorize a few to hide in your heart. If your motive is to honor God He will bring them to mind when you need them.
The last three resources for the wife's protection involve seeking godly counsel, church discipline and involving the governing authorities. Again, Ms Peace's explanations are clear and biblical.
In summary, taking full advantage of all the measures that God has provided for us in His Word is the spiritually stable course. It avoids the self-seeking wisdom of the world that only leads to chaos, contention and confusion in a household. I have copied a portion of James Chapter 3 and 4 here: Let's heed his advice and his warnings:
James 3:8-18
8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.James Chapter 4:1-10
Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. 4 Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”?
6 But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:
“ God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.
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