From Chapter 16 of The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace:
James 3:6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature and it is set on fire by hell.
So much of the bad feelings and problems in a marriage could be eliminated if even just one partner...that would be us, the wives... practiced sweetness of speech.
Matthew 12:34c says "for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." James tells us that if anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Who knows what wonderful things the Lord could do in our lives if we became spiritually mature in this area and had control over our tongues! How Christ could be glorified!
Let's spend some time looking at Matthew 12:34c. This is the verse I find most helpful in the area of speaking sweetly and communicating biblically. "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." It reminds me that my wrong words (my impatient words, my angry words, my judgmental words, my careless words, my loveless words, my rash and/or foolish words, and finally my thoughtless words) come from my wrong thoughts.
James 1:14-15 says, But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. He tells us here that sin is not a spontaneous act but the result of a process. We are drawn away (lured) by our own desires. When wrong words are spoken, it is crucial to stop and ask yourself why you reacted or spoke in such a way. What were you meditating on? What did you want that you were not getting? What did you think you deserved? It is not just good enough here to change how you sound on the outside...Jesus cares about your heart. Search your heart because the bible says that out of it springs the issues of life. It also says that our hearts are desperately wicked, who can know them? Allow the Word of God to do a work from the inside out. Confess your sin, put it off, renew your mind with the truth and put on love. How do we do this?
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.
Once we see these wrong thought patterns we can begin to chip away at them by taking each one captive unto the obedience of Christ.
Some of us might even be in bondage to wrong thinking. We might have a stronghold or fortress where we retreat when we are hurt and angry. If you are enslaved by some wrong thinking, your response when cornered or under pressure will not be godly. God is our strong tower. We are to run to Him. The bible tells us to use the sword of the spirit to pull down these strongholds. We are to assault error with the truth of God's Word. Human wisdom, ingenuity, or self-help books are powerless against the lies that corrupt our thinking and our reactions. It is a spiritual battle we are in...the truth will set us free and enable us to react rightly to our husband and to others.
As we become diligent about examining what we are meditating on and taking our thoughts captive, we will be making a practice of sweet speech. The word discipline in the New Testament comes from the word gymnazo which means to exercise or to train. In other words to do it over and over again until you get it right. The pursuit of godliness takes perseverance.
There are many verses that help us in the area of sweet speech. Here are a few of my favorites...but do your own study. Meditate on them and hide them in your heart.
The bible tells us in Ephesians chapter 4 to speak the truth in love. In the same chapter it says this: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. I like to remember this as "NEGG". Speak only what is necessary, edifying, good and gives grace.
On the subject of judging motives 1st Samuel 1:3 says this: Talk no more so very proudly; Let no arrogance come from your mouth, For the LORD is the God of knowledge; And by Him actions are weighed. Below are more in no particular order:
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 17:27 He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.
Mt 5:37 But let your yes be yes and your no, no. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
Col 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
Tit 2:8 Sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.
Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord.
Proverbs 15:23 A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!
Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
Ec 10:12 The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious, but the lips of a fool shall swallow him up;
Isaiah 50:4 The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary.
Psalm 141:3 Set a guard O Lord over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.
Deut 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Chapter 15 Honoring Christ: Key to the Wife's Motivation
Having the right heart attitude is paramount in implementing biblical submission into your life. Ask yourself what truly is your heart attitude when it comes to submitting to your husband. Are your motives based on your feelings at the moment? Are they selfish? In order to make a practice of biblically submitting to our husbands it helps if our motivation is greater than our own selfish desires...our motivation should be to glorify the Lord Jesus Christ. As stated in an earlier post it is crucial to decide ahead of time to honor God, to do the right thing, with the right motive. Give your feelings to God and obey Him. As you make a practice of this in your relationship with your husband you will begin to reap the rich temporal and eternal rewards of being in the center of God's will. Put off getting what you want at the moment and see what God will do in your life when you trust Him daily by placing yourself in His care.
In Chapter 15 Martha Peace lists 20 motivational principles for submission along with a scripture to reinforce the point.
I have added additional scriptures for most principles to encourage you on your way...
1. Being grateful...remember what God has done and how much we have been forgiven. I am reminded here of the parable of the wicked servant whose master forgave him much and he did not go and do likewise. We need to always remember the mercy we have been shown and do likewise. Be grateful for the forgiveness you have received by honoring and obeying God.
2. Look to Christ for your example. Do a study on His submission to the Father. He never said or did anything outside of the Father's will. In fact Jesus said in John 14 that if you had seen him you had seen the Father also. Philippians 2:5-17 says it best:
Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. 9 Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. 12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
14 Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15 that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.
17 Yes, and if I am being poured out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. 18 For the same reason you also be glad and rejoice with me.
3. Renew your mind with Scripture: Be aware of the thoughts and intents of your heart and be ruthless with the ones that are not God honoring...constantly renewing your mind with Scripture and what is right. The thought and intent of my heart usually tends toward being offended because I think I am getting less than I THINK I deserve. Or worse when I am noting how much I am doing and how little others in the household are doing. You know...when everyone else is sitting down and you are doing all those things that make for the smooth running of the household. The verse that helps me here is from Luke Chapter 17 verse 10: So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’”
4. True beauty and adornment comes from trusting God. Have you ever really looked at some women who supposedly have it all according to the world? I mean really looked at their faces...Their beauty is marred by their driven countenance. I have seen some Christian women have this look also...Isaiah 26:3 says that God will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is set on Him. Look up...relax...
5. Biblical submission shows love to God. Martha Peace has a great one here. John 14:15 - If you love Me, you will keep my commandments. The fruit of our salvation is obedience to the Father. Ephes 2:8-10 - For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
6. Biblical submission is a way to show love to your husband. The famous 1 Cor 13:-4-8 is the winner here. Love fulfills the law. Romans 13:8-10 says this: 8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
7. View biblical submission through God's sovereignty and goodness. The Lord does all things well...He is in control. He has a purpose in every circumstance. Don't argue with your maker...obey...See what the Lord will do! Romans 8:28 is a good one here: And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
8. God uses others to put pressure on a wife to be submissive. Be teachable...maybe someone does know more than you. Proverbs are filled with admonitions to listen and get wisdom. Here are a few: Prov 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel...Prov 9: 6-9 Forsake foolishness and live, And go in the way of understanding. “ He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself, And he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself. 8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. 9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning. It is also helpful to remember that proverbs also tells us that "any fool can start a quarrel."
9. A wife should train herself to be biblically submissive. Again, practice makes perfect. This one takes ALOT of practice, prayer and the power of God.
10. Learn the biblical dynamics of authority and rebellion...Holding God's word as the standard by which you live your life is vital here. Rebellion is shaking your fist at God. You are telling Him that you know best. This is a serious sin. I have Isaiah 45:9 written out on the very first page of my bible. It says Woe unto him who argues with his Maker. Figures of the potter and the clay and of parent and child show how absurd it is to contend with God over His plans for the future. When you strive with your husband's decisions, you are striving with the Lord!
11. Seek biblical counsel from someone who will exhort and admonish you to be submissive. Find someone who holds the Word of God very high. Someone who is going to exhort you to do right. Someone who knows the Scripture and walks the walk.
12. Humbly receive your husband's correction and reproof. This goes back to being wise and listening to rebukes. Do not make it hard for your husband to rule over you. Even if the rebuke is in your opinion said in an unkind or thoughtless manner, find what is true in it, repent and mature spiritually.
13. Study the character of God. This is a great idea. To begin go back to pages 10-12 and study what wives need to know about God. Here is how the Lord describes Himself in Exodus 34:6-7 -Do a study on the key words in these verses. 6 And the LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, 7 keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.” Jesus also said that if you have seen Him, you had seen the Father also.
14. A wife will honor God's word by being submissive to her husband. Again, honor the word of God. Hold it in high esteem. Don't be a hearer of the Word only...be a doer.
15. Be faithful in the little things. Martha Peace speaks so truly here. Rebellion no matter how small it may seem to you is rebellion which is sin. If you don't think so...your conscience will become harder and harder...you will become less and less faithful to do the right thing and submit. Why because you are eroding God's authority in your mind. You are doing what is right in your own eyes. The "little foxes" will spoil the vine. Be faithful to obey your husband even in the smallest matters. Don't let your guard down here and justify your sinful rebellion.
16. Be a living sacrifice for the Lord Jesus. Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. Use this one when you really don't feel like submitting...it will increase your motivation.
17. Being submissive is a fruit of your salvation. Pray for the desire and longing to please God and obey Him by submitting graciously and lovingly to your husband.
18. A wife may be motivated by personal testimonies of women who are already submission to their husbands. I like to use the bible for examples here. Abigail comes to mind...
19. You may sometimes suffer for righteousness sake. Most of the time this is not why I suffer. When you do it is helpful to remember what it says in Hebrews 12:3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.
20. Remind yourself of the potential grievous consequences of not being submissive. It says in Proverbs that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Hebrews 12:28 says this: 28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. 29 For our God is a consuming fire. Sin has consequences. Psalm 119:75-76 says this: 75 I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right,And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.76 Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to Your word to Your servant.
Scripture renews your mind. Read these verses over when you need the encouragement. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to be reading your bible. Studying it daily. Meditating on it and memorizing it. Think of all the things you put in your mind. Purpose in your heart to put God's word there. The Word of God is described in Ephesians 6 as the sword of the Spirit. It also tells us to gird our waist with truth. Saturate yourself with the Word.
I will end with Ephesians 6:10-19 10:
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[c] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— 1
In Chapter 15 Martha Peace lists 20 motivational principles for submission along with a scripture to reinforce the point.
I have added additional scriptures for most principles to encourage you on your way...
1. Being grateful...remember what God has done and how much we have been forgiven. I am reminded here of the parable of the wicked servant whose master forgave him much and he did not go and do likewise. We need to always remember the mercy we have been shown and do likewise. Be grateful for the forgiveness you have received by honoring and obeying God.
2. Look to Christ for your example. Do a study on His submission to the Father. He never said or did anything outside of the Father's will. In fact Jesus said in John 14 that if you had seen him you had seen the Father also. Philippians 2:5-17 says it best:
Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. 9 Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. 12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
14 Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15 that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.
17 Yes, and if I am being poured out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. 18 For the same reason you also be glad and rejoice with me.
3. Renew your mind with Scripture: Be aware of the thoughts and intents of your heart and be ruthless with the ones that are not God honoring...constantly renewing your mind with Scripture and what is right. The thought and intent of my heart usually tends toward being offended because I think I am getting less than I THINK I deserve. Or worse when I am noting how much I am doing and how little others in the household are doing. You know...when everyone else is sitting down and you are doing all those things that make for the smooth running of the household. The verse that helps me here is from Luke Chapter 17 verse 10: So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’”
4. True beauty and adornment comes from trusting God. Have you ever really looked at some women who supposedly have it all according to the world? I mean really looked at their faces...Their beauty is marred by their driven countenance. I have seen some Christian women have this look also...Isaiah 26:3 says that God will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is set on Him. Look up...relax...
5. Biblical submission shows love to God. Martha Peace has a great one here. John 14:15 - If you love Me, you will keep my commandments. The fruit of our salvation is obedience to the Father. Ephes 2:8-10 - For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
6. Biblical submission is a way to show love to your husband. The famous 1 Cor 13:-4-8 is the winner here. Love fulfills the law. Romans 13:8-10 says this: 8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
7. View biblical submission through God's sovereignty and goodness. The Lord does all things well...He is in control. He has a purpose in every circumstance. Don't argue with your maker...obey...See what the Lord will do! Romans 8:28 is a good one here: And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
8. God uses others to put pressure on a wife to be submissive. Be teachable...maybe someone does know more than you. Proverbs are filled with admonitions to listen and get wisdom. Here are a few: Prov 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel...Prov 9: 6-9 Forsake foolishness and live, And go in the way of understanding. “ He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself, And he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself. 8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. 9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning. It is also helpful to remember that proverbs also tells us that "any fool can start a quarrel."
9. A wife should train herself to be biblically submissive. Again, practice makes perfect. This one takes ALOT of practice, prayer and the power of God.
10. Learn the biblical dynamics of authority and rebellion...Holding God's word as the standard by which you live your life is vital here. Rebellion is shaking your fist at God. You are telling Him that you know best. This is a serious sin. I have Isaiah 45:9 written out on the very first page of my bible. It says Woe unto him who argues with his Maker. Figures of the potter and the clay and of parent and child show how absurd it is to contend with God over His plans for the future. When you strive with your husband's decisions, you are striving with the Lord!
11. Seek biblical counsel from someone who will exhort and admonish you to be submissive. Find someone who holds the Word of God very high. Someone who is going to exhort you to do right. Someone who knows the Scripture and walks the walk.
12. Humbly receive your husband's correction and reproof. This goes back to being wise and listening to rebukes. Do not make it hard for your husband to rule over you. Even if the rebuke is in your opinion said in an unkind or thoughtless manner, find what is true in it, repent and mature spiritually.
13. Study the character of God. This is a great idea. To begin go back to pages 10-12 and study what wives need to know about God. Here is how the Lord describes Himself in Exodus 34:6-7 -Do a study on the key words in these verses. 6 And the LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, 7 keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.” Jesus also said that if you have seen Him, you had seen the Father also.
14. A wife will honor God's word by being submissive to her husband. Again, honor the word of God. Hold it in high esteem. Don't be a hearer of the Word only...be a doer.
15. Be faithful in the little things. Martha Peace speaks so truly here. Rebellion no matter how small it may seem to you is rebellion which is sin. If you don't think so...your conscience will become harder and harder...you will become less and less faithful to do the right thing and submit. Why because you are eroding God's authority in your mind. You are doing what is right in your own eyes. The "little foxes" will spoil the vine. Be faithful to obey your husband even in the smallest matters. Don't let your guard down here and justify your sinful rebellion.
16. Be a living sacrifice for the Lord Jesus. Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. Use this one when you really don't feel like submitting...it will increase your motivation.
17. Being submissive is a fruit of your salvation. Pray for the desire and longing to please God and obey Him by submitting graciously and lovingly to your husband.
18. A wife may be motivated by personal testimonies of women who are already submission to their husbands. I like to use the bible for examples here. Abigail comes to mind...
19. You may sometimes suffer for righteousness sake. Most of the time this is not why I suffer. When you do it is helpful to remember what it says in Hebrews 12:3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.
20. Remind yourself of the potential grievous consequences of not being submissive. It says in Proverbs that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Hebrews 12:28 says this: 28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. 29 For our God is a consuming fire. Sin has consequences. Psalm 119:75-76 says this: 75 I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right,And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.76 Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to Your word to Your servant.
Scripture renews your mind. Read these verses over when you need the encouragement. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to be reading your bible. Studying it daily. Meditating on it and memorizing it. Think of all the things you put in your mind. Purpose in your heart to put God's word there. The Word of God is described in Ephesians 6 as the sword of the Spirit. It also tells us to gird our waist with truth. Saturate yourself with the Word.
I will end with Ephesians 6:10-19 10:
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[c] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— 1
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