From Chapter 16 of The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace:
James 3:6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature and it is set on fire by hell.
So much of the bad feelings and problems in a marriage could be eliminated if even just one partner...that would be us, the wives... practiced sweetness of speech.
Matthew 12:34c says "for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." James tells us that if anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Who knows what wonderful things the Lord could do in our lives if we became spiritually mature in this area and had control over our tongues! How Christ could be glorified!
Let's spend some time looking at Matthew 12:34c. This is the verse I find most helpful in the area of speaking sweetly and communicating biblically. "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." It reminds me that my wrong words (my impatient words, my angry words, my judgmental words, my careless words, my loveless words, my rash and/or foolish words, and finally my thoughtless words) come from my wrong thoughts.
James 1:14-15 says, But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. He tells us here that sin is not a spontaneous act but the result of a process. We are drawn away (lured) by our own desires. When wrong words are spoken, it is crucial to stop and ask yourself why you reacted or spoke in such a way. What were you meditating on? What did you want that you were not getting? What did you think you deserved? It is not just good enough here to change how you sound on the outside...Jesus cares about your heart. Search your heart because the bible says that out of it springs the issues of life. It also says that our hearts are desperately wicked, who can know them? Allow the Word of God to do a work from the inside out. Confess your sin, put it off, renew your mind with the truth and put on love. How do we do this?
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.
Once we see these wrong thought patterns we can begin to chip away at them by taking each one captive unto the obedience of Christ.
Some of us might even be in bondage to wrong thinking. We might have a stronghold or fortress where we retreat when we are hurt and angry. If you are enslaved by some wrong thinking, your response when cornered or under pressure will not be godly. God is our strong tower. We are to run to Him. The bible tells us to use the sword of the spirit to pull down these strongholds. We are to assault error with the truth of God's Word. Human wisdom, ingenuity, or self-help books are powerless against the lies that corrupt our thinking and our reactions. It is a spiritual battle we are in...the truth will set us free and enable us to react rightly to our husband and to others.
As we become diligent about examining what we are meditating on and taking our thoughts captive, we will be making a practice of sweet speech. The word discipline in the New Testament comes from the word gymnazo which means to exercise or to train. In other words to do it over and over again until you get it right. The pursuit of godliness takes perseverance.
There are many verses that help us in the area of sweet speech. Here are a few of my favorites...but do your own study. Meditate on them and hide them in your heart.
The bible tells us in Ephesians chapter 4 to speak the truth in love. In the same chapter it says this: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. I like to remember this as "NEGG". Speak only what is necessary, edifying, good and gives grace.
On the subject of judging motives 1st Samuel 1:3 says this: Talk no more so very proudly; Let no arrogance come from your mouth, For the LORD is the God of knowledge; And by Him actions are weighed. Below are more in no particular order:
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 17:27 He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.
Mt 5:37 But let your yes be yes and your no, no. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
Col 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
Tit 2:8 Sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.
Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord.
Proverbs 15:23 A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!
Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
Ec 10:12 The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious, but the lips of a fool shall swallow him up;
Isaiah 50:4 The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary.
Psalm 141:3 Set a guard O Lord over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.
Deut 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
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