Prov 20:3 [It is] honorable for a man to stop striving, Since any fool can start a quarrel.
Read a few more to get warmed to the subject. :D
Proverbs 21:9 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Proverb 21:19 Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman.
Proverbs 27:15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike;
Prov 13:10 By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised [is] wisdom.
Are we getting the message? The Lord repeats this theme in a multiple of ways over and over again in His word. (Kinda like we do with our kids, sometimes) He must really want us to hear it.
If only we could remember just at the beginning of a conflict what an impact we have on our families by the way we respond. Many of us respond to our husbands in ways we wouldn't even consider responding to a friend or someone outside our home. It is not a question of knowing how to respond...I think most of us know how to respond. Sometimes, however, with those closest to us we get lazy. We forget God's purpose for us. We were created to be helpmates for our husbands and the caretaker of the home and children. Responding with anything other than a humble and gentle spirit then is rebellion against God's perfect will for us.
Hear this next part...it is important. What you communicate to your children through your relationship with your husband will stay with them for the rest of their lives. That should be a sobering thought. Children will learn all the fundamental lessons of love, forgiveness, joy, humility, compassion, patience, self-sacrifice, virtue, sin...I could go on...from observing their parents interact. What YOU teach them right or wrong will be rooted deep in their hearts. If you are patient, your children will be patient. If you are loving and compassionate, your children will display these qualities. If you turn to Jesus for help, so will they.
As wives do what you can to send the right messages to your kids. Don't say...but my husband...change your behavior...NOW. Don't look back...press on for the prize of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus. Answer your husband with grace and humility. Let your gentleness, as the bible says in Philippians, be known. Are you known as a gentle woman in your household? I am not, but oh, how I long to be.
Don't look at what the cost of behaving this way will be to your pride. Yeah, it will be humiliating ... focus on the results. What will be the outcome or fruit of your changed reactions. Sometimes we can get so embroiled in conflict that we can no longer see the big picture. The next time a conflict starts try to step back and view it as a play in which you want the godly outcome. Put aside your own offense and make the sacrifice of righteousness. Again do not concern yourself with how others in your household react....YOU respond rightly...You be the first to change...and see what the Lord will do with your obedience and faithfulness.
NOTE: I wrote the above on my palm in my car while waiting for one of my daughter's classes to finish. I was tested as soon as I arrived home on this. I failed miserably. It is clear to me that this is an area that Satan does not want us to persevere and will do what he can to condemn and thwart our efforts. Look up! Press on! Make a practice of having a gentle and quiet spirit. Most of all remember that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Be convicted but not condemned.
In Chapter 16 we discussed how our wrong words are generated from our wrong thoughts. Martha Peace gives us some self-justifying thoughts that hinder our ability to solve conflicts. As Christians we are called to endure. In order to do this we need to renew our mind with Scripture. Some excellent examples of this strategy are given on pages 196-198. Review them and ask yourself if you are guilty of any of these.
Chapter 17 also discusses three kinds of conflict that occur in marriage. I am going to concentrate on the one that is most common and affects me and therefore those around me on a daily basis. My own selfishness.
Marital conflict was set in motion back in Genesis Chapter 3. Genesis 3:16 says this: To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire [shall be] for your husband, And he shall rule over you."
John MacArthur makes this statement about Your desire...he shall rule. "Just as the woman and her seed will engage in a war with the serpent. i.e. Satan and his seed(vs 15), because of sin and the curse, the man and the woman will face struggles in their own relationship. Sin has turned the harmonious system of God-ordained roles into distasteful struggles of self-will. Lifelong companions, husbands and wives, will need God's help in getting along as a result. The woman's desire will be to lord it over her husband, but the husband will rule by divine design. (Eph. 5:22-25). This interpretation of the curse is based upon the identical Hebrew words and grammar being used in Genesis 4:7 to show the conflict man will have with sin as it seeks to rule him. Genesis 4:7 reads this way: "If you do well, will you (Cain) not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire [is] for you, but you should rule over it."
We need God's help here ladies...it is a battle from the beginnings of time. Eve wanted what she wanted and took it. Our own selfishness gets in the way of the relationship we want to have with our husbands. Look to His word for help. It is not about what your husband said or did...it is about glorifying our Father in heaven in our words and deeds. Worship Him through your right words and deeds. Teach your children how to respond biblically. Pouting, manipulation, outburst of wrath, selfishness and nagging are all learned sinful behaviors. Change them using Scripture to show you the more excellent way.
Lastly, Ms Peace gives us some character qualities that are necessary to solve conflict. They are humility, gentleness, patience and forbearance. Let's look at each one and discover what they might mean to us in the middle of a conflict.
Humility: I used the Blue letter bible and found these meanings:
1) having a humble opinion of one's self
2) a deep sense of one's (moral) littleness
3) modesty, humility, lowliness of mind
Well, okay...I guess I see how humility would help. :D More from the Blue Letter Bible (BLB) "because it is only the humble heart which is also meek; and which, as such, does not fight against God, and more or less struggle and contend with Him." So when we contend with our husbands we are contending with God. I accidentally typed "so when we are content with our husbands....Hmmm, that has an application also. We can be content because all we have comes from God and He always has our best interests at heart. Here is my favorite though: John MacArthur says that humility is the perfect antidote to the self-love that poisons human relationships.
Here are some verses for meditation...
Phil 2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
1 Peter 5:5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to [your] elders. Yes, all of [you] be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."
Prov 15:33 The fear of the LORD [is] the instruction of wisdom, And before honor [is] humility.
Col 3:12 Therefore, as [the] elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;
Meekness: In most cases meekness is always translated as gentleness. It is the willingness to suffer injury or insult rather than inflict such hurts. It is what Jesus was at the cross. He had the ability to retaliate but instead He allowed Himself to be led as a lamb to slaughter. Meekness is the opposite of being out of control as we might think. John MacArthur says that meekness is not weakness, but rather supreme self-control empowered by the Spirit. Think then of meekness as power under control. Meekness makes a decision to put the other first. This type of attitude heals and edifies. Next time you are beginning to get embroiled in a conflict with your husband, look fully into the faces and eyes of your children. Really see the damage and the hurt you are causing. Turn from your sin and put on meekness. Here are some verses to renew your mind.
Gal 5:23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law
.
Eph.4:2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,
Col 3:12 Therefore, as [the] elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;
2nd Cor 10:1 Now I, Paul, myself am pleading with you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ--who in presence am lowly among you, but being absent am bold toward you.
Matt 11:29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Patience: Here is an outline of biblical uses for the word patience from the BLB.
1) to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart
a) to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles
b) to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others
1) to be mild and slow in avenging
2) to be longsuffering, slow to anger, slow to punish
I think we all can see how this quality would help in conflict resolution. How far I fall short!
Some verses for meditation:
Heb 6:15 And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.
James 5:7 Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See [how] the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain.
James 5:8 You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.
1 Cor 13:4 Love suffers long [and] is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
Longsuffering: be patient, to have patience, to suffer long, to patiently endure. So if you think you have BEEN patient it is time to start meditating on suffering long. Let's look at the Old Testament here for verses...Patience and longsuffering are virtues that the Lord uses to describe Himself.
Exodus 34:6 And the LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth,
Nehemiah 9:17 They refused to obey, And they were not mindful of Your wonders That You did among them. But they hardened their necks, And in their rebellion* They appointed a leader To return to their bondage. But You [are] God, Ready to pardon, Gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, Abundant in kindness, And did not forsake them.
Psalm 145:8 The LORD [is] gracious and full of compassion, Slow to anger and great in mercy.
Prov 14:29 [He who is] slow to wrath has great understanding, But [he who is] impulsive* exalts folly.
Prov 15:18 A wrathful man stirs up strife, But [he who is] slow to anger allays contention.
Prov 16:32 [He who is] slow to anger [is] better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
In closing, you have one time around with your family to do it right. If you are behaving selfishly and causing conflict or increasing the conflict with your bad reactions in your home, repent. Diligently apply these qualities in your day to day marital relationship with your husband. You will be amazed at how your obedience will not only be a blessing to those around you, but to you as well as your family follows your lead and begins to respond with these attitudes also.
1 comment:
Yeah I needed to read that chapter today...You're funny though with the NOTE: add on : )
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