If you have been spending some time reading and rereading the various chapters of this book and applying the biblical principles in your daily life, you may have noticed that you struggle more "in doing the right thing" in some areas than others. If that is the case, (it was for me) then the next few chapters are for you. In these Martha Peace discusses some special concerns (or sins) that a wife may have. The wife's anger is the first concern addressed.
The bible talks about two kinds of anger righteous and unrighteous. Rarely are we righteously anger. If we are, we are not sinning, are completely controlled by the Spirit of God and are not thinking of ourselves. So an angry person reacts selfishly and is not Spirit controlled but rather self controlled in order to achieve his own end. People express their anger in a number of different ways...Some of them are obvious: yelling, throwing things around, telling someone off, cursing, abusive speech, and hitting. Some are quieter and may be harder to notice but sinful nevertheless: silent treatment, glare, meditating on wrong thoughts, eye rolling, snorting, frustration, and irritation.
Outlined below are some reasons not to respond in anger...
Anger destroys trust and is forbidden by Scripture. (Matt 5:22) It is a destroyer of relationships and is a betrayal to those you love whom God has placed in your care. If you succumb to outbursts of wrath, however infrequently, you are undermining your relationship with your family. Your children need to feel safe with you. They need to know and believe that you will act with their best interests at heart. Safe enough to come to you when they have done wrong and want to talk about it, safe enough to trust you with their feelings, safe enough with you to know that you are their soft place to fall and most of all safe enough with you to relax and be themselves around you. It is the same for your husband. The heart of your husband should safely trust you.
Anger is a grievous sin. Like any sin anger begins in the heart. Our heart is sometimes referred to as the seat of our will. Our thoughts, motives and intentions reside there. Because anger begins here...it is a deliberate willful action. Although, your sudden outbursts of wrath may not seem to involve any conscious decision on your part...they always do. If this is the case, it will take some time of diligently putting it off to change the pattern.
Matt 15:19 says this: For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.
Anger is not productive The Bible says in James that the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. It doesn't work...in fact it makes you go backward in your relationships. Okay...so sometimes it does work for the moment to get people moving and doing what you want them to do, but at what cost?
Anger gets stronger with use and feeds our flesh. Contrary to popular belief it is not a good idea to express or vent anger. Anger is a deed of the flesh and as such gets stronger with expression. Instead starve it...make it weaker. Living according to the flesh sets our minds on the things of the flesh (Romans 8:5) but focusing on the Spirit sets our minds on the things above....what is important to God.
Anger is productive in bearing the wrong kind of fruit. You will also notice that in addition to anger getting stronger as it is vented it also causes you to sin in other ways.
Colossians 3:8 says: But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.
Think of all those things you say in anger that you regret...the tone of voice you use that is less than respectful...the language. Anger compounds your sin and defiles those around you.
Being more specific anger is connected to pride...
Proverb 21:24 A proud [and] haughty [man]--"Scoffer" [is] his name; He acts with arrogant pride.
To Cruelty...Genesis 49:7 Cursed [be] their anger, for [it is] fierce; And their wrath, for it is cruel! I will divide them in Jacob And scatter them in Israel.
Proverbs 27:4 Wrath [is] cruel and anger a torrent, But who [is] able to stand before jealousy?
To Clamour and evil-speaking: Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
To Malice and blasphemy: Col 3:8 But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.
To Strife and contention: Proverbs 21:19 Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman.
Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirs up strife, And a furious man abounds in transgression.
Proverbs 30:33 For [as] the churning of milk produces butter, And wringing the nose produces blood, So the forcing of wrath produces strife.
Anger brings its own punishment.
Job 5:2 For wrath kills a foolish man, And envy slays a simple one.
Proverbs 19:19 [A man of] great wrath will suffer punishment; For if you rescue [him], you will have to do it again.
Proverbs 25:28 Whoever [has] no rule over his own spirit [Is like] a city broken down, without walls.
Psalm 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret--[it] only [causes] harm.
Anger stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Galatians 5:15 But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!
Anger is a characteristic of fools. This one works best for me because I am prideful and abhor thinking myself a fool. :D Any port in a storm though...
Proverbs 12:16 A fool's wrath is known at once, But a prudent [man] covers shame.
Proverbs 14:29 [He who is] slow to wrath has great understanding, But [he who is] impulsive exalts folly.
Proverbs 27:3A stone [is] heavy and sand [is] weighty, But a fool's wrath [is] heavier than both of them.
Eccl 7:9 Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools.
How can anger be averted or changed to gentleness?
I LOVED Martha Peace's scriptural method for changing problem character issues...a.k.a...sin. :D
All Scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 2nd Timothy 3:16
Memorize and use it for any character trait...It is God's recipe for character training. Teach it to your kids...
First is doctrine or teaching...find out what God says about anger or any other sin struggle in your life. Memorize and meditate on those scriptures of particular relevance to you. Spend some time here...Really find out what the bible says about a certain topic. It helps also to look at the opposite character trait. For example, the opposites of anger are meekness, humility and patience. Studying what the bible has to say about these will help you put off your anger and put on the right biblical virtues. (I have found that the Thompson Chain reference is great for this kind of study as well as the Blue Letter Bible available on the net.) Let the water of the word flow over you and teach you and thereby convict you. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2
Second is reproof...A reproof is simply having someone tell you (or you tell yourself) what you are doing wrong according to Scripture) Be accountable to someone if you can who is available to point out the problem when it is evident. If not be on your guard, yourself. It should be a very matter of fact process...here is what you or (I) did...here is what the bible says. It really does help to write down what you were thinking right away when you get angry. It will help you see where your thinking was not biblical and more readily see the appropriate correction.
Next is correction....replace the wrong words or actions with the right ones. Confess each angry incident to God. Keep humbling yourself before Him and asking for His grace and mercy. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Use your word studies and verse memorization from the teaching step to help you here in finding the right traits to put on. Martha Peace gives us some good examples of wrong thoughts vs right thoughts on page 213 and 214.
The last step is training in righteousness. This is the hardest. This is the one that takes discipline..you are the one who needs to be consistently ruthless with your sin and diligently apply yourself to the study of the word of God. This is where the next verse in 2nd Timothy comes into play. That the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:17 Our goal is to be more and more like our Lord Jesus Christ...we are to be holy as He is holy. Gal 6:9 tells us...And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
An earlier verse in 2nd Timothy calls for continuing in these things..But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned [them], 2nd Timothy 3:14.
Remember why we are here on this earth...to glorify our Father in Heaven...To somehow, through His grace, reflect a little bit of His light to those God has placed in our lives. So...
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16
AND
Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, Philippians 2:14-15
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